I have been a Christian since April 2000. I have also been, for long stretches of those years, a man who looked one way at church and another way everywhere else. Both things are true. I am not going to tidy up the second part to make the first part easier to read. The name Brokenstored is not a slogan I came up with at a desk. It is a description of me.
This is the short version of a long story, and it ends somewhere better than it started. Not because I fixed myself, but because I was held.
The beginning was real
I accepted Christ in April 2000 and was baptised soon after. I meant it. I still mean it. What I did not understand back then was that a genuine beginning is not the same thing as a finished work. Conversion is a doorway, not a renovation. I walked through the door and then spent years assuming the rest would sort itself out.
It did not sort itself out.
Then came the drift
Nobody plans to end up far from where they started. You drift. A little compromise here, a little secrecy there. Pornography, addiction, pride, unhealthy relationships. None of it arrived with a warning label. Each thing looked manageable on its own, and each thing made the next one easier.
The strange part is that I was serving in church the whole time. I showed up. I helped. I sang. Then Monday came, and I lived like a different person until the following Sunday. Two versions of one man, and the effort of keeping them apart was exhausting in a way I could not explain to anyone, because explaining it would have meant admitting which version was real.
What brokenness actually feels like
It does not feel like a dramatic collapse. It feels like tiredness that sleep does not fix. It feels like secrecy. It feels like being the last person to know that something is wrong with you.
One thing I have read again and again in the years since is that brokenness is not a sign that something is wrong with you at the core. It is a signal that something needs restoring. That distinction matters, because shame tells you that you are the problem, while conviction tells you that something in your life needs repair. One voice drives you away. The other calls you home.
Australia, 2012, and the year I lost my father
I migrated to Australia in 2012. Starting again in a new country has a way of stripping back the scaffolding you did not know you were leaning on. Then in 2014 my father passed away.
I hit rock bottom, and it was not just one kind of bottom. Financially, I had nothing to fall back on. Spiritually, I had been running on fumes for years and had finally run out. Grief and failure arrived at the same address and stayed a while. I was not looking for a better version of my life. I was looking for somewhere to put the weight.
Matthew 11:28 stopped being a verse and became a sentence aimed at me
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
I had read that line for years without it landing. It landed in that season. The word that did the work was not rest. It was come. Not tidy yourself up and then come. Not get your life in order and then come. Just come, weary and burdened, exactly as you are, and bring the whole mess with you.
That is the point where faith moved from something I believed in to something I was actually leaning on.
Restoration was a journey, not a switch
I want to be honest about this part, because testimony language can make it sound like everything changed overnight. It did not. God restored me, and He did it slowly. There were years of unlearning. There were habits that did not break cleanly. There were conversations I would rather have avoided and had to have anyway.
What I noticed over time is that God does not force restoration on anyone. He offers it. Once you let go of self and put Him at the centre, the rebuilding starts, but it starts on His terms and at His pace, not on yours. That felt slow at the time. Looking back, it was mercy. Instant repair would have left the foundations exactly as they were.
Kintsugi, and a God who does not hide the cracks
There is a Japanese practice called kintsugi, where broken pottery is repaired with a lacquer mixed with gold. The repaired vessel is not disguised. The break lines become part of what makes it valuable. Writers have compared that practice to the way God restores a broken heart, and I think the comparison holds.
Restoration in my life did not produce a man with no history. It produced a man whose history is visible, and who can now say something useful to other people still living in theirs. A broken individual gets restored and then ministers grace to others. That is not a consolation prize. That is the design.
Broken is where I came from. Restored is where I am held.
People hear the word broken and assume it is the end of the sentence. For me, it is the beginning. Broken is where I came from. Restored is where I am now, and restored does not mean I have it all together. It means I am held by the Good Shepherd, and He does not discard what He has made.
Psalm 23 says He restores my soul. Not He restores my reputation. Not He restores my bank balance. He restores the person. That is why PS23 has always been about scripture rather than slogans. The shepherd does not abandon a sheep because it wandered, got hurt, or made a mess. He goes after it.
Why the concept is called Brokenstored
PS23 is an Australian apparel brand built around Psalm 23, with Hebrew language and biblical themes worked into the designs, and a portion of every sale given to benevolent causes. The clothing side of it exists because I wanted something to put on that said out loud what I actually believe.
The name Brokenstored came from a line I kept saying to myself: broken, but restored. Two words jammed together, because in my case they are one story and you cannot tell it honestly with only one of them. You can look through the PS23 collection and read more of this story in the journal.
If you are reading this from your own rock bottom
You do not have to clean yourself up before you come. That was the whole point of Matthew 11:28 for me. Bring the weariness. Bring the thing you have not told anyone. Bring the years you think were wasted.
Restoration is not a reward for people who got their act together. It is what the Shepherd does with sheep that cannot find their own way back. My story is not remarkable because I am remarkable. It is remarkable because He is faithful, and He stayed faithful to me through years when I was not faithful back.
Broken, but restored. Brokenstored.
Frequently Asked Questions
What does broken but restored mean?
It means both things are true at once. Broken describes the reality of failure, loss and years of poor choices. Restored describes what God does with a person who comes to Him as they are. The phrase is not about pretending the damage never happened. It is about a life that was rebuilt by the Shepherd rather than thrown away.
Does God restore broken things instantly?
Not in my experience, and I am glad it worked that way. My restoration came as a journey, with slow unlearning, difficult conversations and years of rebuilding. God does not force restoration on anyone. He offers it, and it happens on His terms and in His timing. The slowness turned out to be part of the mercy.
Why is the concept called Brokenstored?
The name comes from a phrase I said to myself through the hardest years: broken, but restored. Joining the two words together is deliberate. My story cannot be told honestly with only one of them. Broken is where I came from. Restored is where I am held. The brand carries that same idea into what people wear.
Can God still use someone who has failed?
Yes, and I am one of the examples. I served in church while living a double life, drifted much further than I intended, and still found the door open when I came back. Restoration is not reserved for people who avoided the mess. People who have been restored often have the most credible thing to say to others still in theirs.
What does Psalm 23 say about restoration?
Psalm 23 is the shepherd psalm, and it says He restores my soul. That wording matters. It is not the reputation that gets restored, or the finances, or the years that were lost. It is the person. The shepherd does not abandon a sheep that has wandered or been injured. He goes after it.
